And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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