Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
