nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
