well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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