"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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