So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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