Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
