What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
