I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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