Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
