cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
