im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
