you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
