If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
