He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
