so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
