I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
