I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
