he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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