I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
