Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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