I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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