Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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