Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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