Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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