Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
