but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
