My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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