i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
