half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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