Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
