good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
