Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
