can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
