fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
