I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
