I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
