i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
