Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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