her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
