How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
