is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
