Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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