At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
