you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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