I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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