you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
