i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
