3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
