I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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