3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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