remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
