Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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