someone owes me an orgasm
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
